Consent, Sexuality, Intimate Justice
education - culture creation
love and defiance in staying human
Consent is intrinsic to being here human in these bodies with the integrity of self-love
and connecting with others in exquisite boundaries, respect and real intimacy.
Consent is about SO much more than sex. It is about life itself and our ways of relating with self and others and with the larger systems which oppress and destroy life. It is about these corporeal bodies and the ways we care for them, and about what can and cannot, does and does not
belong to us and where the boundaries live. And also, it is about sex.
We live in a rape culture, a violence culture and a death culture. We live under and participate with the oppression of a capitalist, white supremacist, ableist, patriarchal hetero-sexist system in which we are socialized to ignore bodily integrity and autonomy and deny the existence of consent, and very few of us are ever taught its meaning or its power. Rather, we are violated, stolen from, gaslit. Dehumanized through the violence of coercion and control and domination, we learn to do these very things to others. So we stumble along orphaned and detached, not knowing our belonging in our own selves.
I believe the path of consent in our own bodies and beings and the work of creating a culture of consent is a way toward honoring the dignity of one another and our own selves, which is to say I believe it is one of the ways we stay human. And staying human is what I am here to do.
1 on 1
I work individually with those who want to explore and receive support in your intimate lives: sexual identity, sexual expression, intimate justice, non-monogamy, monogamy, partnership, gender identity, sexual orientation, oppression and religion and reclaiming your own body as belonging to you, sex workers, support after assault and abuse, the geography of pleasure and want, the honoring of consent and the power of intimacy in ways of relating.
There are not taboos and off limits here.
No inconsequential or unimportant.
This is your space.
Your body, your sexuality, your honoring of
yourself and ways of relating,
I’m here, to be with you in all of it.
50 minute sessions
$75 a session
Consulting for Professionals
+ Staying Human
For coaches, therapists, sex professionals, health professionals, birth professionals, social workers, spiritual leaders
and those who work with humans.
Creating a consent culture in one’s professional practice is:
To stay with ourselves and be present to another
in a way that honors and celebrates sovereignty and agency, actively dismantling authoritarian culture.
Where there is space for yes and no and the many ways of knowing.
Which is to remain alive to our humanity,
allowing us to root deeply into our own orientation
and honestly inclusive of that which is not ours
and belongs to another,
through deep listening and radical respect and integrity of care.
One Session with follow up PDF of core concepts and implementation - $350
Two Sessions and Website or Content of Practice Review
That consent is a living thing: nuanced and particular, clear and intricate, complex and constantly awake to change.
That consent is not the same thing as control.
That consent culture seeks to end all slut shaming, victim blaming, and identity naming for another.
That replacing one set of standards or rules in place of the other doesn’t help us to be free. Which means I believe in the eradication of all forms of body policing. Your body is your own. End of story.
That your stories and experiences and body belongs to you.
That the personal is always political.
I believe YOU.
In radical acceptance of our humanity that does not pathologize, criminalize, or deny the impact of our lived experiences in these bodies, our range of human encounter, our sexualities and expression, our history and traumas and pleasures and wants. We are allowed to seek and to know and to not know and to express and explore and to name ourselves for ourselves.
In being trauma-informed in my work and ways of being, and that there is a distinction between being trauma informed and trauma reductionist which places all behavior and preference and desire in the constraints of having been tainted and possibly broken through trauma, rather than intimate intersection of personhood which we cannot disentangle and rather might embrace as the whole of our experience, belonging to us.
In depathologizing trauma and provoking the narratives around victimhood in a way that begins to open up a larger possibility where we individually and culturally begin to speak of and relate to trauma as not only a person to person offense but an institutional and sanctioned modality and occurrence.
I believe in queering things, conversations, discourse, ideas, modalities, ways of doing and being.
I believe that one aspect of queering the conversation of consent and agency and culture and sexuality is to move us beyond the binary in every possible way.
I believe that consent, as is true with any relational language, can only be fully understood and lived in a context and reality which acknowledges structural power differences and imbalances which create very real violence. To have or exercise consent implies that there is at least some agency (or power to act). The truth is, there are very real power dynamics and larger systems designed to ensure that some humans and communities have little to no agency, where yes and no mean nothing because there is not a framework in which such a thing is allowed. As such, any conversation about consent must include and take into consideration that we are not all coming from the same place and we are not all having the same experiences and that this is not just happening between individuals but entire systems.
Creating consent culture is concerned not just with the question of consent within an individual but the question of who is even given the opportunity and environments that allow for consent to be apart of the encounter (these are systemic power differentials and not personal failings or an inability to have a boundary). Structural violence must be actively fought for real change to occur. If we do not continually acknowledge these power differentials, and actively give ourselves to the work of dismantling the systems that create and sustain them, then we run the risk of operating under sophisticated victim blaming.
I believe consent education and sex education are separate though connected things, and that both are incredibly useful to have present for children and adults at every stage of our development and lives.
I believe not just in sexuality education, exploration and expression, but in intimate justice*, and I employ theories of intimate justice in all my work with individuals and communities.
I believe we are told from our earliest of experiences and memories who we should be, what sex is, the meaning of our own sexuality, what is allowed and not allowed, what we are good for, what is off limits, what is pure and impure, what we should strive for, what we should keep hidden in the dark. I do not believe we escape our social conditioning. And, I believe we can begin to interrogate it, dismantle the systems that uphold it, and do the liberative work of justice in the honoring of human dignity, consent, and our full human lives, including sexuality and sexual expression.
I believe that we are allowed the whole of our human experience, the agency of knowing that no authority or person gets to tell you that you are healed or that you are broken.
I believe the best place to begin is always to acknowledge reality. We are not all having the same experience. You are you, and you get to have all of you. I will be here. I will listen. I will believe you. I will hear you in your wholeness, honoring the difference in our lived experience, coming into our intersections with wonder. And I believe that this, more than the assumption of “me too” that is often promoted in the sentiment of empathy is what can create communities where are free to be in our shame and our glory and to bring it out into the open.
I believe in questioning everything, unburdening from theological moralizing about sex and purity, celebrating bodies and sexualities while considering the limitations and exclusions in some of our sex-positive spaces.
I believe that many of us humans are deeply impacted by the intersection of sexuality and religion/spirituality, and that this often comes as a subtle or overt oppression that leaves us mired in confusion over our true want and hunger and need as human beings. And we are here to get free.
Consent education and exploration supports us in repairing our relationships with our own bodies and voices and wants and human selves.
I believe in decolonizing sexuality, reclaiming our own experiences and expressions with our own lived knowing held close at the center, defying the authoritarian suffocation that dictates the narrative denying our realities.
Pleasure is our birthright. And learning what we like and how we like it, without the constraints and assumptions of who we were once told me should be or must be, is a wild ride to our messy and stunning humanity. And no gets to tell us our identity or what intimacy must look like for us or what turns us on.
Being turned on (in every sense of the word) is power and a force for great change, and life.
* Intimate justice is a framework that links experiences of inequity in the sociopolitical domain with how individuals experience, imagine and evaluate the quality of their sexual and relational experiences. Intimate justice encourages researchers and practitioners to question how social conditions, such as racial and gender-based stereotypes and sexual stigma impact what individuals feel they deserve in their intimate lives and influence power in a relationship. Intimate justice asks researchers to methodologically consider how biographies and structural contexts move under the skin and into the bedroom, influencing how individuals think, feel, and experience their intimate lives. As a culture, we don’t often give voice to the ways in which the presence of racism, poverty, gender, heterosexism, transphobia and whorephobia shape our intimate experiences and the meaning we make from them. We tend to focus on the struggle or conflict within the relational dynamic and ignore the ways in which the structures that support these systems of oppression operate within our intimate and sexual lives.
Intimate justice demands that we begin doing so.
What makes Isabel so gifted at what she does is not just her ability to bring you closer to your words and knowing and self, but her presence—the way she gives you space so close to her heart that you can’t help but unravel yourself in the most poetic way.” —Alisha Sommer, editor and chief at Blackberry Magazine
Education. Classes. Training. Worskhops.
An experiential consent education class for parents and those who work with children and youth.
September 10th-October 12th
live zoom video calls
Weekly Open Office Hours
Course content delivered straight to your inbox once a week including core concepts,
creative exploration, and news ways of looking at and engaging with creating a consent culture.